You Almost Got to Keep Those

Today I had a four-top order dessert during a busy lunch. That is not a problem.  I don’t mind getting desserts for my guests.  I want to.  It makes my guest check higher, increases the amount of service I have provided, makes the dining out experience more rewarding, etc,. It generally means a larger tip because the guest is not in a hurry to get back to work – they are enjoying themselves.

Today, I came back to a four-top with meticulously prepared desserts – a strawberry malt, a caramel sundae, and two slices of warm pie ala-mode to find a grumpy businessman halfway out of his booth with a shitty attitude.  “You almost got to keep those,” he said. 

I was stunned.  Things had been going so well.  They were witty, charming, and polite all through lunch.  I didn’t understand why he seemed so irritated.

“Excuse me?” I replied.

“You almost got to keep those,” he said.  “We thought you weren’t coming back.”

FYI not all restaurants have the kitchen make or plate desserts. Where I work, the servers make the deserts including the hand-dipped shakes.  So if your four-top all orders different desserts during a busy lunch rush, I will probably not be back with those in less than ten minutes. 

When I do show up with dessert, it’s pretty shitty to tell me, “You almost got to keep those.  We thought you were never coming back.” 

Really, that’s what you thought?  You thought I just took your order with a smile and never intended on coming back to your table?  Where would I go?  Did you think my private helicopter picked me up to whisk me away to my private island?  Or did you actually see me delivering food to other tables, getting refills, bringing people their checks, entering orders into the computer system, seating new people, and running the cash register?

I diplomatically replied, “I’m sorry you thought I wasn’t coming back.  The servers prepare the desserts here and I brought them as soon as I could. I apologize for any inconvenience.”

He grudgingly settled back into his booth and ate all of his $4 dessert.  He left me a grand total of 10%, which was probably a write-off as a business expense.  I wonder what he does for a living.