I have been working as a food server off and on since I was fourteen and it never gets any less interesting. This is not about fine dining, its about the flip side of the industry working in the trenches of the massive national restaurant chains. Laugh or cry, people!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Update for Your Kid Belongs in a Psych Ward

Oh man, this is so awesome. Father of the Year is a regular customer now!

I wrote about this Twat-Waffle in my first post ever. To briefly recap, he ate a wet turkey sandwich and talked on the phone while his kid threw a full on screaming temper tantrum under the table. See my earlier posts for the full story – this guy is a real piece of work!

He came in with his kids again last night and it went pretty much like last time. Except his crazy kid was so loud, he actually got up and sat at a different table so he could hear his phone conversation. Who does this? His daughter used the opportunity to eat a bunch of jelly packets and squirt the tiny buckets of coffee creamer all over the window by their booth.

Anyway, it was dinner time and we were busy. I told him we needed the table for other guests and made sure the host seated that one next. Why did I say that if it wasn’t actually true? I guess it seems rude for me to tell an asshole like this the truth.

This isn’t your house. We don’t like you or your kid. You suck at eating out and you’re a shitty tipper. We’re not babysitters. Every guest in the dining room hates your guts. I hope one of them is calling Child Protective Services on you right now. When your daughter ends up in prison later, it will probably be the first time anyone ever made her follow a rule. If she wasn’t so positively scary, I would offer her a free kitten just to fuck with you. You can’t leave a crazy bitch like that unattended in the dining room. You are clearly not the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, so your call can wait until your child is under control. Hang up the goddamn phone and take care of your own kids.


Ahhhh... the relief of getting it out of my system!


  1. Christ. I think I would have tried to have them ejected. That's disruptive to the other diners. I bet all you'd have to do is mention to management that your other tables feel so uncomfortable that they're talking about leaving. That would light a fire under management's ass to do something about it.

    Some people just shouldn't be parents. Seriously.

  2. Oh, management knows. Last time this guy was in, his kid was screaming so loudly that everyone in the dining room stopped what they were doing to turn and watch.

    Apparently, they don't feel it is their job to handle situations like this because they would be telling someone how to parent their child.

    I suggested simply saying the disruption was unacceptable rather than telling the parent how to handle it (HEY MISTER - SPANK YOUR KID!), but they won't.

    How do people who refuse to communicate get jobs as managers?